Justification
by That'sMyFiasco
Summary: An inane little crack!fic, written for a challenge. What WOULD happen if an elf finally snapped? Attempted humour.


Justification

A one-shot by That'sMyFiasco

This ridiculous little one-shot was written in response to challenge, "A Salute to Jules", under the penname HeroinEyes.

Disclaimer: No, not mine. Still. Ask me again after I make a few bil, though.

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"Leggy-chan!!! Ooh, look over here! Pretty-please..." 

"Legolas, my one true love! It is I, Galadwen, Princess of Gondor, come to be reunited with thee..."

The tall elf peered out from beneath his hiding-place under Elrond's desk. Undignified? Sure. Cramped? Definitely. However, it was a price Legolas was willing to pay- most of the fan-girls were too frightened of the noble elf-lord to dream of poking their freckled, upturned little noses into Elrond's private study.

After a half and hour or so- a trivial amount of time to an immortal- the squeals and cheers subsided into fading sighs of disappointment. When the light little footsteps eventually tripped their way down the elegant corridor, Legolas unfolded his long frame and stood up slowly. He let out a deep sigh- it was degrading to have to stoop- literally- to such a level just to escape a bunch of pre-pubescent human girls.

Stretching his tired limbs, he walked over to the balcony, peeping cautiously over the ledge. Rivendell had become particularly confused lately- characters being where they shouldn't, timelines out of place, extra characters walking around, entourages in tow. The cause was unknown, though Gandalf could be seen walking around the grounds muttering things to himself about "Peter Jackson" and the "Return of the King".

Voices from below him distracted the elf from his thoughts- and made him wish they hadn't. Out among the trees, a young elf-maiden was offering to help restore a confused- looking Aragorn's "White Tree of Gondor" to glory. An involuntary shiver went down Legolas' spine, and he had to turn away. Some things just should not be said.

Then, as he was turning around, a half-open drawer in Elrond's desk caught his eye. Strange that such a careful person would be so messy... Curious, the elf walked over and pulled the drawer open further, examining the contents carefully. And there, in the back, something shiny caught his eye.

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"Hello, I believe you dropped this?" Slowly, the young girl who had been eating turned around, mesmerized by the voice that came from behind her. When she did, the poor girl was only one heart-beat away from suffering cardiac arrest. There, barely feet away, and with a smile soft enough to melt even the hardest heart, stood Legolas, her lost napkin in one strong hand.

After remembering how to breathe once more, a triumphant smile stole over her face. She had known that the drop-her-napkin-next-to-his-foot ploy would grab his attention. _C'mon, girl... _she advised herself, _Now it's just time to reel him in! _A new, supposedly sexy smile was on her face as she batted her eyelashes at Legolas.

"Why, thank you, sir. I greatly appreciate your kindness... Your name, pray tell?" He smiled again, and held out his free hand to her, preparing to lay a kiss on her own. She extended her hand with the utmost of grace, and waited for the long-anticipated touch.

"Legolas, lady." And with that he took a hold of her hand. _ZZAP!!_ An electric jolt such as she's never felt darted through her hand and up her arm, numbing that whole side of her body. Not exactly the kind of fireworks she was expecting.

Grinning, bursting with energy, the elf darted around the room, almost too excited to know where to go first A touch on the shoulder, the cheek, anywhere would do- eventually, cries of outrage chased after his as he ran from the room, large smile still pasted to his face.

From his seat at the end of the banquet table, Gandalf sighed heavily and turned to Elrond. "Poor boy, under so much pressure... I suppose it's no wonder that he eventually just snapped." Elrond nodded in agreement.

"Though perhaps next time I agree to let him hide in my library I should lock the drawer containing the items confiscated from the hobbits." The wizard nodded complacently, puffing smoke rings to drift out into the night air. Out in the dark, indignant cries drowned out hysterical laughter. Eventually, the din died away into the night.

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A/N: So, the requirements included an elf with a hand-buzzer and using the White Tree of Gondor as a sexual innuendo. Talk about a prompt. Muse was so excited, he nearly started hyperventalating. I hope it amused you for a few minutes. 


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